Monday, June 17, 2019

Who Did It Better . . . On a Pool Table

It's been a while since Jen's last Who Did It Better post but we're back and this is a fun one! Time to find out who did it better . . . on a pool table. Let the fun begin! ;)

Who Did It Better . . . On a Pool Table

I’m sure people have thought about fucking on billiards tables since billiards tables were invented. Is there any other gaming surface so ripe for defilement? I had to look up the difference between billiards and pool tables, something about the number of pockets and whether the surface is worsted wool or felt? WHO KNEW. While I’m in confession mode: I don’t even know HOW to play pool, but I don’t think that really matters for this particular judgment.

I would insert some pithy pool-playing pun here if I knew more about the game. It seems like a game that this much to do with balls would be ripe with innuendo, but I’m sadly unaware of it. They should hire me at the Ripped Bodice to think of bingo squares. Is there a sex-on-a-pool-table on this summer’s card? WELL THERE SHOULD BE.

A brief reminder of the rules: I judge five books, ranking them from Honorable Mention to Platinum Medal. Please remember the rankings are based strictly on the pool table scene, and not the entire book. All rankings from the Chicago judge are final, although I certainly welcome your suggestions for other books with this delicious, delicious trope. 

Welcome to Temptation by Jennifer Crusie

Sophie is making a movie in small Ohio town where Phin is the mayor. When she sees his gorgeous antique pool table, one that has been in his family for generations, she suggests they should fuck on it.  Phin is horrified and replies, “Are you insane? Do you know what that would do to the felt?” So much for adventure, Phin. Later on in their relationship, she challenges him to a game of pool.  Just as he’s about to shoot, she reveals that she’s not wearing any panties. Phin “thought about the incredible things she’d just done to him in bed, and for the first time in his life, he thought seriously about having sex on his pool table. The hell with the felt. Great-grandpa would understand.” Sophie flounces out, leaving Phin marvelling at her awesomeness and kicking himself for being such a stick in the mud. This was my primordial pool table scene, but since there was never any actual sex on the pool table, just fooling around near it, this barely makes the list. Nostalgia is a powerful force.

HONORABLE MENTION “but what about the felt” Sex on a Pool Table

The Rogue of Fifth Avenue by Joanna Shupe

Mamie, the daughter of a wealthy New York businessman in 1890s New York asks Frank to do her a favor. In return, he asks her to agree to a night of private billiards games, thinking it will scare her off. Apparently all the rich people back then had private billiards rooms? I guess it’s the Gilded Age version of the home movie theater. Frank doesn’t realize Mamie intends to seduce him before being trapped in a loveless marriage with another man. She sneaks into his house one night and asks him to play, wearing a dress from her sister that is a size too small so she’s all curves and sass. As you can imagine, the sexual tension is sizzling! Frank and Mamie kiss and he boosts her up onto the side of the billiards table---but not before explaining exactly what he wants to do with her and asking for her explicit consent. He brings her to orgasm with his fingers and then he drops to his knees and does it again with his mouth. Bonus points for making it all about her, but she’s confused and disappointed that she doesn’t get to explore him in return and he kicks her out of the house saying they can never play billiards again.

BRONZE MEDAL for (Oral) Sex on a Pool Table

Callie Unwrapped by Amy Jo Cousins

Callie is recently divorced from a sexually unsatisfying marriage. Callie ignored her sex drive and bisexuality during the 11 years of her marriage. She’s determined to find herself again, and the book opens with her in a cab to meet an ex-lover, Gabe, at a local pool hall. She’s been flirting with Gabe, and he’s bringing his friend Kate; this pool hall date is a prelude to a threesome. This novella is only 110 pages, but the first half of the book takes place in the pool hall. Gabe, Kate, and Callie don’t actually have sex there, but there is kissing and fooling around and the sexual tension that builds between the three of them is incendiary. Also, they’re in public, so the hint of being watched and of having other patrons at the bar know they’re all together ramps up the heat even more. Let’s just say if I was writing a Who Did It Better in a Cab, their ride home back to Gabe’s place would probably make it onto that list, too. Even though there is no actual pool table action, the fact that this was the only semi-public example I could find added a degree of difficulty.

SILVER MEDAL for Sex(ual tension) at a Pool Hall

His Risk to Take by Tessa Bailey

Troy is cop for the NYPD, newly transplanted to New York from Chicago. At a bar one night, he watches the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen hustle a guy at pool. Troy is your typical Tessa Bailey caveman-style hero (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and he and Ruby have insane chemistry. One night, they break into a closed bar that’s up for sale in her neighborhood in order to play a private game of pool. I’ll digress just to note that if you’re a white romance cop, breaking and entering is okay if it means you’ll get laid afterwards. FINE. Anyways, this scene is REAL filthy. They make out and he bends her over the pool table. He uses a pool cue to spank her, and then puts it between her legs and has her ride it. (No penetration in case that’s a deal breaker for you). Finally, they fuck with her still bent over the table. Tessa Bailey always delivers: she would never introduce a pool table without making good use of it.

GOLD MEDAL dirty talk, spanking, and sex on a pool table

Cask Strength (Agents Irish and Whiskey) by Layla Reyne

Jamie (Whiskey) and Aidan (Irish) are FBI agents working together to bring down a terrorist. Jamie is using his real background as a basketball star to go undercover as a coach. They stay at Jamie’s old house from his sportsball glory days, which has a very sturdy antique pool table. Jamie and Aidan are falling in love, but the stress of being undercover and watching each other flirt with other people makes both of them jealous. On the night they finally talk about their feelings, they actually get up onto the pool table to fool around. It starts out as oral sex, but as soon as they admit they love each other, Aidan asks Jamie to come inside of him. The only lube they need is their love (and some spit). Obviously, this is the pinnacle of the sex on a pool table trope: not only do they actually get up on the thing, they have table-felt-be-damned-full-on-penetrative sex, and they exchange vows of true love.

PLATINUM MEDAL sex on a pool table

Have you come across any other pool table / billiards table  sex scenes? Or do you have some good pool related dirty jokes? Let us know! #priorities ;) 

And don't forget to check out the previous Who Did It Better posts. Find them all HERE.


Until Next Time,

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